A New Country, A New Me?

Like many others, I watched and read Eat, Pray, Love.
Naturally, I dreamed of escaping to distant worlds.
Away from my problems.
Away from myself.
But is moving abroad really a solution to all (or even any) of our struggles?
My short answer is: jein.
In German, jein combines ja and nein—so, yes and no. It all depends.

Here’s my story. My version of jein. My “it depends.”

I still remember the day I left my small hometown in Germany. I was 21. I’m half Greek and half Turkish, and trust me, moving away, even at 21, is a big deal for Mediterranean parents. I remember my mum pouring a jug of water behind the car, as my dad drove me to the bus stop for my eight-month Erasmus exchange trip to the UK.

In case you’re not familiar with it, pouring water when someone leaves for a long trip is a tradition in Turkey. It symbolizes and wishes for a smooth journey, like water flowing effortlessly.

Those eight months in the UK turned into twelve years. I never moved back to my parents’ house. It was the end of an era—though I didn’t know it at the time. I still don’t fully understand what kept me there during those first few years. I remember crying a lot in the beginning, missing my parents, and just wanting to go home. But I guess I also loved the freedom it gave me. Mediterranean parents are incredibly loving and caring, but they can also be intense. My mum is the quintessential Mediterranean mama. She loves to smother her children affectionately, and concepts like privacy or individuality don’t exist in her world. She’s the mother; we’re the children. Everyone knows their role and acts accordingly.

Being away from my family meant freedom to do what I wanted, eat what I wanted (I gained 8 kg in one year eating fast food), and, most importantly, figure out who I wanted to be. That last part—“to be who I want”—is especially significant. Whether or not you have Mediterranean parents, one of the most important advantages of moving abroad is the opportunity to see yourself from a different perspective. You step out of your familiar surroundings, and suddenly, the self-image you’ve been carrying around starts to shift. A new country—or even a new city—shines a light on different aspects of your personality.

We all have various seeds within us, and whatever we water and nourish will grow. But sometimes, staying in the same environment doesn’t allow us to see the whole garden. We keep wandering through the same familiar patch. It becomes a habit—like walking the same route to the metro station every day. When we travel, the seed of curiosity gets reawakened, and we start exploring and experimenting with new things. The same thing happens when we move abroad. We take different paths, and new parts of our identity come into focus. That’s why people often say you only really get to know someone when you travel with them.

Before moving to the UK, my view of myself was very narrow. I had neatly categorized myself as an immigrant daughter, not entirely Turkish or Greek, a Muslim girl torn between worlds, and the list goes on. Only when I was in a new environment did I begin to see that there was more to me than these limiting labels. I slowly started to wander beyond those boxes and realized they didn’t have to restrict me—they could be something to celebrate instead.

So, what is it about moving abroad that makes such a difference? For me, it was the challenge of navigating life in a completely new context. It’s not just about changing scenery—it’s about being forced to adapt to an entirely different reality.

Building Friendships from the Ground Up

Back home, socializing happened naturally. I already had a network—friends from school, family connections, familiar faces. But in a new country, I started with nothing. Building a social network becomes a deliberate process. I had to put myself out there, join sports and art groups, attend events, and be willing to connect with strangers. This was daunting for someone like me, who was accustomed to an established circle in a small town. Yet, it taught me to be more open and proactive—qualities I hadn’t needed to develop before.

Read more like this: 7 Steps to a Successful Move Abroad

Living the Local Life

Daily tasks that once felt automatic—like going to the grocery store or mailing a letter—became small challenges. Everything works differently. I remember how overwhelming my first trip to a UK supermarket was. Familiar brands weren’t there, and the fridges were full of ready meals, which we didn’t have back then in Germany to that extent. I won’t even start on the challenges of setting up a bank account or registering with a doctor. The process was confusing, and I often felt frustrated by how things operated—or didn’t operate—compared to back home. However, I experienced a small sense of accomplishment each time I successfully navigated these tasks. Every day felt like a test in problem-solving. These constant little hurdles gradually built resilience and adaptability.

Language Barriers and Cultural Nuances

I spoke basic English, but understanding local accents and expressions was a different challenge. Simple conversations often became awkward because I didn’t know the right words or phrases. I remember my first eight months living with a host mom. One day, I couldn’t think of the word “fork,” so I started using my two fingers to mimic a fork while trying to find one in the kitchen. We both burst out laughing! Over time, I learned to listen more carefully and notice cultural subtleties. This improved my language skills and made it easier for me to navigate different social settings.

Becoming a Tourist in Your Own Life

In our home city, we often take things for granted. We stick to our routines, visit the same places, and rarely step outside our comfort zones. However, moving to a new location changes all of that. Suddenly, everything is new—every street, every shop, and every park. Finding the nearest post office can become an adventure. This sense of curiosity and discovery lingers long after you’ve settled in. Moving abroad rekindled my sense of wonder and taught me to appreciate the little things—a habit I’ve carried with me ever since.

Humans are creatures of habit. For me, moving abroad was the chance to break out of those habits and redefine them. During my twelve years in the UK, I spent six years in Exeter, where I studied, and six years in London, where I worked. Even the move from Exeter to London was a significant change. Sometimes, just moving to a new city within the same country can bring out new sides of us.

Read more like this: Global Experts Share Valuable Advice on Moving Abroad

My time in the UK was truly life-changing for me. It didn’t magically “fix” my problems, hence the “nein” in my “jein,” but it opened me up to new possibilities. I even started therapy in my twenties, which helped me make sense of all the boxes I had placed myself in. It taught me to focus on the aspects I wanted to cultivate and let go of what no longer served me.

I’m glad I stayed longer than the eight months initially planned. After my time in London, I moved to Berlin, and after eight years here, another move might be on the horizon. My current options are Paris, Melbourne, or moving back to London (six years wasn’t quite enough), but I’m leaning towards something totally new. I want to experience the excitement and challenges of starting over in a new country once again. Some friends think I’m crazy for wanting to leave everything behind at 40, but we only live once. I want to feel that humbling sensation of being in a new environment. After all, we can always go back if things don’t work out, but if we never try, we’ll never know.

I’d love to hear what seeds surfaced for you when you moved abroad.

Thank you so much for reading. If you enjoyed this piece, please check out my newsletter, “as slow as possible.”

Read more like this: How to Move Abroad with Kids

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Tuğba Avci is a Turkish-Greek artist and writer living in Berlin. Her substack, as slow as possible, explores the in-between spaces of our lives that we see but often do not notice.